Not Again!

Sometimes,
I wonder why I'm late
By a little or a lot
or one verses the other
Why routine
takes longer one day
than ever before

I know, that at times
poor planning and procrastination
bring about my tardiness
But why
Why am I late
Some days and not others

What would happen
on those tardi days
if I were on time, not late
Would I simply be on time,
nothing more..?
Or is there more

Those days when I am late
could it be, by devine plan
stopping something bad
by a mear few minutes
could I be avoiding tragedy?
A car wreck perhaps..

Or, could it be, by being late
I'm avoiding a chance meeting
that could change my life
for better or worse
out of sync
with God's devine plan

If so, Why?
Am I destined for more?
Do I have a purpose
I haven't yet fulfilled?
Will I make a mark in time?
or in someone's life?

I like that answer
that it's all part of a plan
A plan that isn't mine or yours
It means I'm late with purpose.
Everything happens for a reason
Rather we understand or not.



(Written 28 August 2011)

Rifle

Sleek, textured wood
Warm and Smooth
Long and Hard
to the touch
after erupting
with mighty power
exhilarating experience
when properly handled
removes from its sight
incapable hands

Humans. Decended from a Snake

We sleep in dark holes
some are longer/taller than others
poisonous in character
protective of our own
some are large, some are small
bright, colorful, and attractive
dangerous or mellow
relaxed or uptight
sneaky, tricky, and witty
we don't like cold weather
or sleeping outside
we lay out in the sun
and snap at others with ill temper
some are more social
and vocal than are others

Haunted Memories

I hide my eyes from others
wiping the tears away
pull my emotions into check
go on with my day
lapse of emotional control
going unnoticed
 
Wipe my sunglasses clean
showing no mist or spots
my day goes on as it should
as I struggle to maintain
astoic expression
while I still hurt inside
 
Long drives in my car
yield too much time for thought
The radio reminds me
of the good times and the bad
what should have been
and what actually was
 
Memories haunt me
in my waking hours
and while I sleep
Mostly when I’m alone
but sometimes
in a crowd of familiars
 
Though I may on occasion
Remember the past
and lose emotional control
I’ll maintain my expression
hide the hurt inside
apparently move on until I actually do


(Written 2 August 2011)

Somebody Special

Its sort of bittersweet to see
family and friends in happy relationships
They have someone to love
Someone to love them
and someone to share
their lives, stories, and experiences with

Most of the time
it's okay to be alone
until around those who aren't
That understanding
and acceptance is
a luxury unknown to me

At these times
I yearn to have my own
someone to share with
to tell me thoughts and secrets
but when opportunity knocks
I turn away

I'm afraid to trust
defensive, reserved, and guarded
How can I find someone
when the past has taught
to trust no other

So I suppose for now
I'll learn to be myself again
and in so doing, trust myself
maybe someday, in due process
of living my life for me
I'll find my special somebody

(written 1 August 2011)

I wanna be loved (2011)

I wanna be loved
and touched
 and hugged
 and told I’m beautiful.
 
I wanna trust a man to say
 I’m his Only one,
 that I’m The only one
that I’m his Number one
 
I wanna feel it in my heart
And see it in his eyes
I wanna feel it in his touch
And know it’s not a lie
 
I wanna be loved
and touched
and hugged
and told I’m beautiful
 
I want a man who’ll hold me in his arms
Tell me he’ll be there
I want to curl up in his arms
and Know that he’ll be there
 
When the world tosses me about
And leaves me lickin wounds
I really want to come home
to find his open arms
 
I wanna be loved
and touched
and held
and told I’m beautiful
 
I wanna know it’s possible
To trust a man
Not to break my heart again
If I wanted to drop my walls
 
To know it’s not just for show
To know they don’t wanna go
The moment I turn my back
Or dare to trust
 
I wanna be loved and touched and held
 and told I’m beautiful
I wanna learn to trust again
I wanna trust in love again

Passing Time (2008)

Patiently I wait
Knowing you might find
another in your past
another in your travels

Hoping the past can become less painful
our of the forefront of your conscious
Security quenching temptation
preventing the fling

Over time and realization
after realization and time
Security and trust
lie here stowed away

Not Need (7July 2007)

Some people
tell the ones they love
"I need you"
I wont say that,
I don't need you
physically, I could function
without you
mentally, I could function
without you
but the thing is
I don't want to
emotionally, if I lost you
I would crumble
I would fall apart
I would dissipate
wander around like a zombie
or a robot set to auto pilot
I wont say that
I need you
because I can function
without you
but don't want to
and prey I never have to

Love...Incomprehensable (Sep. '07)

A gutt feeling
from somewhere deep inside
inexplainable
incomprehensable
illogical

May not be willing
to comprehend
Having no answers
no comprehending
not understanding

These feelings
these thoughts
aren't logical
to me
Scary and confusing

Thinking becomes difficult
thoughts jumbled
Speaking near impossible
tongue tied
illogically mirthful

It can be
nothing else
it can't be
but it is
real, true love

Hidden Delights (Aug. '07)

Love is a mysterious creature
it creeps up
unnoticed and undetected
till it envelops you

A mystic
Vampire
in a child's
haunted house

That once
discovering
what's behind
the mask

becomes yours
best friend
everything
true friend

Everything
a friend
should be
it is

Consequences (Aug. '07)

Harsh tones deal harsh consequences
Carma? Maybe
"Eye for an eye?" No
The Golden Rule of life

You will be treated
as you treat others
You receive back
what you give

The law of life
others will respond
to what you do,
not who you are

Bewilderment

With darkness comes fog
Surrounding unsuspecting
Choking them in forests
Step out,
Open Fields
Inhabited with paths of stones
fog here too
Not choking,
Disguising what is here
In vast fields
We are lost

Ask (~2006)

Why ask why
Accept what is
Be grateful
Ask not why
Ask when
Ask how
Ask not why


(this relates to a very specific why that someone use to ask me)

Love's Arms (27 August 2007)

Wrapped in your arms I'll never sway
Into your arms I fell to stay
For this is home and here I'll stay
and from my heart you'll never stray

When you're not here but underway
I'll stand strong there on the pier
Cause you're not home but far away
I'll wait here till you appear

Though I am here
While you're away
I love you dear
I'll never stray

Love

When I look into your eyes
I get lost in all that is there
lose myself in their depth
I have lost myself
to all that is you

My heart rate quickens
at the sound of your voice
My very marrow tingles
at your touch

When you wrap me in your arms
all is well on my world
I feel safe in your arms
Don't want you to ever let go

You are always with me
even when you're not
As long as I have you with me
There is nothing I can't handle

I'll love you eternally
will do anything for you
go anywhere with you
follow you to the ends of the earth
without knowledge of destination or route

A World Apart

Left alone
a world apart
a life on hold for now
pondering thoughts of things to be
forming sound foundation now
for to better a life to be
While a world away,
a world unknown to me
a sailor works
for to better build a life
a life on hold for now
he says he wants to share
this life on hold with me
while he works a world away
a world unknown to me
here waits and ponders
a sailor's wife to be
left alone
a world apart
a life on hold for now
pondering thoughts of things to be
forming sound foundation now
for to better a life to be

A Heart's Flight (2007)

Thy soul takes flight
For thy heart's desire
No Fear expressed
for heights unknown

Destination is clear
Journey in fog
but take flight thy will
for chance of trust

To take that chance
To take that leap
A leap of faith
A faith in him

Titled "Our Life" (Aug. '07)

The choices we make today
build out tomorrow
build who we become
build our reputations

Our choices lead us
to new experiences
and to new places
to new abilities

While broadening our horizons
our abilities grow
our knowledge expands
our reputation spreads

Our Choices
Assist in forming
the repousse
titled "Our Life"

Through Life We Walk

Through life we walk
Under a veil of sleep
Not truly seeing
The truth that is
the truth of life
Only what we wish to see
Only what we can handle
Only what we wish to handle

Spring Flower (2007)

A flower in the midst of Spring
Not yet fully bloomed
Watered and pruned
By loving hands
With a promise of more

The Gardener had only ever had
Flowers quick to bloom
Beauty easily seen at first sight
Before realising

What comes easily and quick
Can vanish
Just as easily and
Just as quickly

This flower in the midst of Spring
Though slow to bloom
Once bloomed
Breathtaking to behold

Perfect beauty can only last forever
If pictured and kept
Inner beauty lasts forever
In the soul of the beholder

Seasonal Love

Your love a Rose
Withering with age
Protected by barbed wire thorns
Wrapped in pretty paper
Seasonal

Perspective (writen 7/7/07)

A world so large
and yet so small
one being alone
is but a spec
but as we stand together
we are a force
visible from the heavens above
and noticed by all

Granny,

Life is a vast ocean
and we are it's sailors
lost at sea without a compass
on a long foggy night

You are our lighthouse
always there to shine
a beacon in our darkness
offering guidance in our fog

Through all the rough tides
and too, the smooth sailing
we can always count on you
to see us through

You are my lighthouse
My northern star
and my mentor
I love you Granny!

Fairy Tales (part 1)

Every young girl wishes
to one day find
her own Prince Charming
and to live a fairy tale
all their own

Then, as they grow
and supposedly mature
they lose faith
in dreams
and happily ever after

Their dreams won't
one day come true
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny
and Fairy Godmothers
are only a myth

We grow to see things
logically and explainable
If we fail to "mature"
we are labeled
Dreamers or Hopeless Romantics

Married Yet Divorced

It drives her crazy
The way they bitch and gripe
Always saying what the
other does wrong and never does right
They won't say it to one another
just to her
That lunge line girl so tightly stretched
between trainer and wild mustang
Too rough edged for what she longs for
a strong armed, strong hearted, true cowboy
to help her hold and deal with
the secret she keeps
her parent's secret
Their ragged, rough, and tumble love
built of walls and fences
and forever words

Hunter

Lying low
the prowler waits
in patient anticipation,
it's prey
slow to arrive,
reminiscing of a time
when last they met
prowler became
Unwittingly,
willing prey

The Goal

The goal of the wind
To steal your breath
 
The goal of stillness
To steal your thoughts
 
The goal of death
To steal your heart
 
The goal of life
To steal your innocents
 
The goal of darkness
To steal your sight
 
The goal of lights
To steal your blindness
 
The goal of rain
To steal your adventures
 
The goal of drought
To steal your complaints
 
The goal of snow
To steal your diversity
 
The goal of spring
To steal your individualism 

Weeds

I have no set goal
Planned out plainly
As most do
My path is foggy
only end result apparent
I have faith
That will happen
Is to be
What I do
Will lead to that
In the end what
Is simple
 
I have paths
Covered in weeds
Growing towards
one final goal
Weeds being trimmed
They still grow wild
Yet to be tamed
Brambly
Can't agree
Haven't decided
On a direction
 
One day I'll trim these
The next those
When I settle
On one weed is left
That weed leads
To my result
For me by me
Happiness and memories
Toils and trials
Finally resting
 
Without awareness
But knowledge
of what is
what will be
what has been
all questions answered
forever peace
together forever more
questions answered

"IT"

Tides come in
Tides go out
Sometimes they are Angry
Sometimes they are Sad
Sometimes they are Placid
Sometimes they are Raving
Never knowing which you'll get
Some people hate it
But very few
Can bear to love it
Tides are Constant
Tides are Honest
Never hiding truth
Behind it's vast unknown
here lies beauty
here lies mystery
here lies the known
and the unknown
side by side
forever more
This could be why
Some people only like it
Some people more than hate it
But others,
For reasons unknown
Love it

Laugh

Laugh cause you're happy
Laugh cause you're nervous
Laugh cause you're scared
Laugh just cause
Or to lighten heavy spirits
 
Laugh at yourself
Laugh with others
Laugh to feel better
Can't hurt to try
 
Laugh to keep from cryin
Laugh because you're crying
Laugh cause you got hurt
Cause hey it had been fun
 
Through good times
Through bad times
Laugh through it all
Things could've been worse

Country Dove

Blue lights flashing
on the side of the road
good souls watchin
wanna stop and help
 
Blood was found
in the bed of the truck
the Body was found
in the trucks tool box
 
Police filed a report
for a broken headlight
and drivin five miles over
released the driver to the locals
 
Family filed a report
for a missing persons
one week later
not missing him till then
 
The buzzards found the body
to pick apart the pieces
the locals left behind
after they linched the man
 
The man who murdered Ms. Jessy
loved by all the county Gentlemen
our counties beloved Dove
now covered with six foot soil

Failure

Lying here crying
Again
Over what could have been
 But never was
And never will be
I’ve got it better now
But somehow
I still mourn
What could have been
But never was
 
I know I’m better off
But it still hurts
 Feel like a failure
though I know I shouldn’t
did everything I could
tried everything I shouldn’t
I know I’m not a failure
It wont always hurt
I know I’m better off

They Say..

They say, That it won’t always hurt
It won’t just stop someday, It’ll just fade away
I’ll be whole again, You’ll lose your hold on me, I’ll be myself again
I want you to suffer, the way that I once did, I’ll never trust again
You’ll never love again, if you ever did, well then you hid it well
 
But then again those are just angry thoughts,
They are not Christian thoughts
They’re just vengeful thoughts
I thought I loved you, I maybe still do, but I must move on
 
I’m tired of all the cryin, I’m tired of being alone
I want someone to hold me tight, to love me through all my pain
Someone who knows that I still hurt and tell me it’ll be okay
Someone who will truly love me
I wanna be loved, I want to be love again, I want to feel whole again
 
There’ll come a day, when all of this, is just a painful memory
You’ll no longer have a hold on my life
I won’t feel sad and suspicious when I meet someone with your too common name
I’ll look around at my family and all the love we’ll have
And know that I’m stronger because of this
 
They say everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand it all at the time
They say what doesn’t break you makes you stronger and they say
God will never give us more than we are capable of handling.

Lies and Alibis

I wake up crying in the middle of the night
Thinking, maybe I was wrong
But then I see their faces, in my mind’s eye
And hear your stories, your lies and alibis
To cover what you thought I was too dumb to realize
 
I believed you, I still loved you, I wanted to believe you
They were just friends who had their stories wrong
They were just jealous and wanted me out of the way
They were all just confused…but they had the same story…
I wanted to believe you, that your stories and alibis weren’t all just lies
 
I knew something was up, I couldn’t prove a thing
It was all just speculation, what if I’m wrong
I don’t want to lose you
And then it came and I knew for sure
All my worries, suspicions and fears were grounded in a truth I didn’t want to know
 
She asked me if we were still married, that you said we were separated
She was crushed, hurt, and confused; I couldn’t blame her
She knew something was wrong but didn’t want to believe
I knew how she felt, but now I knew
All the pieces came together, and yet…
 
I wake up cryin in the night, thinking what if I was wrong
But then I see their faces all over again
I hear your stories, lies and alibis
And I hurt all over again
It all hurts all over again